mood snatcher

i had given up on this WE's writing: i was supposed to help move stuff around in barcelona's eixample, from someplace to another place, this one with awesome views and one huge terrace. oh well. bear with me.

so i see my saturday's morning's liberated and since i am supposed to go pro on the writing thing again, i start drinking - ok this one goes down regardless - and i turn to mr. oberst - could happen anyways - and then it's his words that remind me of the week's epiphany:

i knew i'd been using since i was very young, searching in music and movies and art in general to get my high, the hit the right sentiment, i've been mood scoring all my life, it's in the nature, but listening to mr. oberst i have to ponder:

maybe i wasn't scoring
maybe i was just snatching
maybe there's no real feeling in me
and that's paranoid and yet
it could be.

i have a history on stealing or snapping into someone else's mental state. there's one particular period of strife and confussion i've later recognized as not of my own... that's paris. there's others. this is not the point.

it's the way mr. portrays things, it's my own poor language: writing to paint an image that's both telling fact and sentiment and it's already happened and shall befall again, it's particular and universal, the words hide nothing, but give no clues straight away... all with a rythm. and structure. i don't know how to explain: definitions are dull. and i have not the energy, the technique and the tools to create the image that would illustrate this.

there's more to it: it's the fact that i was 2000 when he was to 2000 and i was lifted when he was lifted and now i am so cassadaga. eg:

2000:
For a sunrise or a sunset.
You’re manic or you’re depressed.
Will you ever feel ok?

2002:
But you should never be embarrassed by
Your trouble with living
Cause it's the ones with the sorest throats
Laura, who have done the most singing

2005:
I just got myself to blame
Leave everything up to fate
When there's choices I could make
Yeah, my heart needs a polygraph
Always so eager to pack my bags
When I really wanna stay

2007:
Everything it must belong somewhere
I know that now, that's why I'm staying here

that's him. and it's me. and i am digressing.

it makes sense.

i fear i am in someone else's mental state.

and i must go and do some writing.